Existing

"You are valuable because you exist. Not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because you are." Max Lucado

This is one of my favorite quotes ever, by one of my favorite authors ever. He is a Christian writer and if you haven't read anything that he has written, I suggest picking up one of his books. I love this quote for so many reasons, but the main reason is because I can really relate to it. I think we all spend so much time trying to validate (to ourselves and to others) who we are. We buy nice clothes, houses, cars...etc. What are we trying to prove and to whom are we trying to prove it? God knows we exist and He loves what He sees. He made us! We also spend so much of our lives trying to find that perfect job that will validate us. Don't get me wrong, I think it is important to glorify God by using the talents that He has given you...but it seems that we lose sight of that so quickly. I know I am guilty of it. It is so important in our walk with God to remember that He loves us 100% of the time and He loves us more than we can imagine. Just because we ARE.

On the Verge

I am on the verge of really losing it here. Not just breaking down and crying, but completely losing it. Throwing things, screaming, kicking kind of losing it. You want to know the culprit?? NO SLEEP. NONE. I have slept a total of 14 hours in 4 nights. The average person needs 7 hours to be cool. That means I am 14 hours away from being cool. I'm not even close. I am so tired my eyelids are twitchy and I don't know what I am doing most of the day. So tired that when I went to get a Diet Coke out of the fridge this morning I grabbed Parmesan cheese that is now sitting in my car. WHY CAN'T I SLEEP? Well, there are a number of reasons lately. The main reason is my husband. Homeboy can't sleep. He tosses and turns and sighs heavily and yells at the dog and then wants to talk about why he can't sleep. You know what? I don't want to talk at 4 in the morning. I just don't. I don't have to. That is my right as a human to be silent and SLEEP at 4 in the morning. He's gone to the doctor for this sleeping problem and nothing has been solved. I was so excited last night to get some good rest. I was home early, I took a nice hot bath, got into comfortable pj's and climbed in to the glorious haven that is my bed. Then Curt gets home with Sophie and Ollie. They are his mom's dogs, as we are dog sitting until tomorrow. Small dogs? Yes. Sweet dogs? Yes. Tired dogs? No. We tried to put them in their crates to sleep and my jack @** dogs harassed them all night. So, Curt was up. "NO Roxy, don't mess with them. ROXY!!!!!!! LEAVE THEM ALONE." ALL NIGHT. I was so tired that when my alarm went off I cried. I CRIED. TEARS. I DON'T EVER CRY. That is twice in 2 days I have cried because I am so exhausted.

Something drastic has to happen here people. Tonight, I am sleeping in the guest room.

Decisions

Well, I've made a big decision. I have decided to switch my major in school to Business with a focus in Economics. Not that I love Economics, but it was either that or Accounting or Operations. Economics seemed the easiest. :) As you know, my major right now is English Literature so that I can one day go on to the glamorous life of teaching. I have been doing a lot of research on the schools that I would like to teach at and none of them pay well. NOT that I would be doing it for the money, but let's face it...life requires money. Curt and I have chosen to live a life that requires both of us to work. If I were to enter the teaching field today, I would take a significant pay cut. OUCH. Also, my education classes are impossible to take at night. I would have to quit working my full time job and get a couple of odd end jobs just to be able to do it. So, I decided that now would be the best time to make my decision since I don't have too much time vested into my major. My basics are out of the way, but I am standing at a crossroads where I have to decide where to go next. I have prayed about it, discusses it with Curt, prayed about it, and prayed about it. I am going to switch majors. That seems to be the most rational decision. I can get my business degree and still start teaching (and get certified at the same time). If I don't like it, I can fall back on my business degree and my 7 years experience in aviation. If I get my English Literature degree and don't like teaching, then I just have a literature degree. Not much I can do with that.

I am excited, glad to have made a decision that will help me in the long run. :)

a few of my favorite things

puppies, the smell of laundry detergent, the crisp air in my lungs this morning, wearing my wedding ring again (finally), being in love, my family, my memories of my childhood, painting, HGTV, dancing in my kitchen with my husband, pictures of loved ones, GOD, brilliant fall colors that bring out my creative side, decorating for Christmas, my symphony dates with my husband, seeing friends, silences that are not awkward, a delicious glass of wine, any book by Dean Koontz, wrapping Christmas presents with the anticipation of them being ripped open, ballet, being saved by Jesus Christ, reuniting with an old friend, babies, warm bubble baths, Sarah McLachlan CD's, learning, competion in sports, being healthy, painting my toenails bright red, reading and writing poetry, seeing my twin brother in love, my sister-in-law, diet coke, watching Connor grow up, memories of my grandparents, the smell of freshly cut roses, taking risks, falling asleep next to Curt, working out so hard that I am drenched in sweat and delightfully invigorated, chocolate ice cream, owning my first home, dreaming of the future, the many good friends that I have made these past few years, naming my future children, laying in a hammock on the North Shore of Oahu, being blessed beyond my wildest imagination, the book I Love You Forever, talking to my mom on the phone, going to concerts, sore muscles (because it means they've been used), singing, discovering the Bible, my nieces and nephews, road trips with friends, poker, watching a live production of Phantom of the Opera, happy endings, a pair of blue jeans that fit perfectly, swimming, attempting to play my guitar so I can pretend I am a rock star, my sweet and loyal dogs, love songs, pillow talk, helping people, a good cup of coffee, my red and white leather jacket from Curt, living in a free country, being able to pay all of my bills on time, my brand new kitchen, alone time, going to the movies, finally feeling comfortable in my own skin, being challenged, holding hands, being loved, seeing God's hand on my life, a cold glass of water, white water rafting, prayer, my life.