Too Soon?

Is it too soon to hit a wall in my journey? I swear it is. I've only been training for a month and last night I hit a wall. I got home and sat on my couch and opened a package of cookies and consumed them gluttonously. I started really questioning myself, I started to realize how HARD this is going to be. I convinced myself that I should do something normal like try to have a baby with my husband. (We put this plan on hold so that I can chase this crazy dream). I told myself that 5 days out of the 6 that I have scheduled to train are going to be challenging. I told myself that it is ok to quit, it is ok. No one would be mad, every one would understand. Then I cried. Tears flowed for a solid hour. I cried until my sleeve was drenched and my head was pounding. I felt alone and it sucked. I wanted to go take a hot bath and crawl into my bed. I wanted to put on my "fat pants" and eat ice cream and watch old re-runs of Seinfeld. I wanted to do so many things, but I did the opposite. My will to want to accomplish this dream finally showed back up and conquered the demons in my head. I laced up my shoes and ran. I ran until my legs burned and the sweat replaced the tears on my sleeves. I ran until my legs wouldn't go any more. I began to feel motivated again...and hope took the place of despair. I realized that I was not as weak as I had just convinced myself. By the time I made it back to my house my husband was home. I walked in the front door and he greeted me with a hug and told me how proud he was of me. I went to bed feeling happy and relieved that I had won the mental battle that I presented to myself. I got up this morning with sore legs and put on (for the first time in almost a year) my skinny pants. Ahhh, now I am back on track.

I think with any major challenge that we are faced with, doubt will creep in unsuspectingly and take over if we let it. To me, this falls into such a spiritual battle category. God shouts to us "YES-YOU CAN DO THIS", the Devil whispers in our ear, "NO YOU CAN'T-YOU ARE WEAK". I choose to believe in my God. He gives me a spirit of courage and determination and by reaching my goal, I will glorify Him.

Remember...if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten. Don't settle for complacency. We were meant to live for so much more.